gaming consoles that detect motion, such as the Wii and Xbox Kinect make people feel a hell of a lot better about themselves than they actually are by saying things like “perfect” and “flawless.” if only they could actually monitor the movement rather than be so simple that people could cheat their way through the movements. it makes it difficult when you’ve got someone who’s trying to learn workout moves or dance moves and they’re looking awful, but the game’s telling them they’re “flawless.” bah.

/rant.

as great as it is to know you’ll have another living, breathing human body there when you retire to the room you and your roommate share, roommates definitely have more cons than they do pros. I like my roommate this year as a person just fine. In fact, we decided to room together this year. But I didn’t know many of the habits she has when I made that decision, just as I’m sure she dislikes some of my habits.

I’m just over having a roommate right now. I want my own room, where I can set the temperature to my own liking, turn off the lights when I want to. I want a room that will be clean when I want it to be clean, a bathroom that I don’t have to worry about sharing. A kitchen I can walk to and use when I want to. A small family room in which I can exercise at times that convenience me without feeling awkward. 

Don’t mean to sound selfish and awful, but I’m really over sharing. There’s no caring involved when someone constantly stays up until 3 a.m. with the lights on, working on some homework when all they do before that is watch YouTube videos with their boyfriend-but-not-really. I cannot fall asleep after 3, then wake up at 7 a.m. several days back-to-back. No way am I going to be delivering at my fullest potential. My heart rate’s abnormal again and it feels awful and I’m going to get sick. 

Arrghhh. I’m soooo ready for my own apartment. Or at least my own room. Just.. my own place.

/rant.

pissed off. 

i fucking hate it when people talk about my tiny size and make me feel demeaned. bitch, who are you to look me up and down and say, “i can’t fit my ass into a size 4, your size must be non-existent!” fuck you. do you go around looking overweight people up and down like down, saying stuff like, “damn, you must be a size 46 and a half!” yeah, didn’t think so. and you. the one who said, “eat a damn cheeseburger.” how bout you shave that ‘stache. sorry it’s not physically possible for me to put on ten pounds just like that. i don’t like being this tiny. but there’s this small thing called genetics that kinda plays a huge role in this whole situation. so how about you just worry about your own weight and don’t hate?

people talking about my weight negatively really rubs me the wrong way. it’s one of the few things that can get me super heated super fast. 

/end rant.

in honor of the homosexual individuals 
who committed suicide because of bullying

now, i can see where people who are taking
a stance against this are coming from, but
i do not agree with those people. at all. it 
does not make much sense to me. yes, so
many people are discriminated against. yes,
other teens have committed suicide due to
bullying prior to the recent deaths. but never
has so much awareness been raised. and
now that there’s been so much press about
the recent deaths, it’s easier to get people
rallied together and do something like a wear
purple in honor of these teens day. i’m not
trying to be rude at all, but it’s a fact. had
people tried to have something like this before 
all the attention that has been called to the
matter, word probably would not have spread
as fast and not as many people would have
been wearing purple. as for other groups that 
are discriminated against, yes, what’s happening
to them is bad. and it’s not fair. but that does 
not mean that attention shouldn’t be called to
lgbt rights and teen bullying just because
other groups are being discriminated against.
what’s happening there isn’t right, but let’s
face the facts. sad truth is it usually takes
something (or some things) tragic for an issue
to get any attention. it’s a sad, sad truth.

now, this isn’t to say we shouldn’t do whatever 
we can on a daily basis to try to make a difference. 
no. if you see someone being mistreated, step
up and help out. actions speak quite loudly. do
whatever you can. it should be something every 
single one of us should be doing anyway. yeah,
wearing a color on a certain day’s not going to
stop things from happening, but the point of it is 
to raise awareness. but it’s something we should
practice on a daily basis. don’cha think?  

so anyway. i’m wearing purple tomorrow to 
honor those who have died. not just in honor 
of those who committed suicide recently, but
in honor of those who have faced bullying, have
committed suicide, or have had to deal with any
kind of trouble for simply being who they are.  

Prom was tonight (yesterday night?).

I wanted to go with a group of friends (and had to anyway -> parents).

But there’s this guy. Who asked me out. And ended up joining my group 
of girls when I said no. And I personally do not enjoy grinding. But that’s his idea of dancing. And he didn’t even ask.. He’d just show up out of nowhere while I was dancing with my friends and just scoot in behind me. I like him as
a friend; he’s great to hang out with, but.. no. I just don’t like him like that.
And I really do not want to be in a relationship right now. I’ve tried telling 
him so many times, but he just doesn’t get it. And that makes me feel like 
a jerk. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but how is saying “Sorry, I’m already
going with a group of friends” not obvious?

I mean, I at least gave him one slow dance. I rode with him to prom from
dinner instead of with my friends just so he wouldn’t be alone. And we had 
fun on the way there, cracking nerdy jokes. And I don’t want to ruin our
friendship just so he gets a clue. And afterwards, when I went over to my
friend’s to hang out for a bit, they kept teasing me about him. Which made 
me feel like shit for not liking him as more than a friend. Which doesn’t make 
sense, but I do feel horrible. 

And dancing. OK, call me old fashioned or whatever, but when I’m dancing 
with a partner, I like actually moving around rather than just standing in one
spot and swaying while they’re pushed up against me from the backside. To 
me, grinding isn’t dancing. If others enjoy it, fine. I particularly don’t enjoy it,
because it makes me feel like I’m a freakin’ puppet. And another thing. I’d rather they ask me to dance rather than shove their way behind me. Also, 
when someone says no, that means no. That does not mean try to go against 
their wishes after the song ends.

Another thing. My friend is really into this one guy I know, but she cannot
figure out what to do. Our other two really close friends keep telling her
not to go after him, that’s he’s too emotional, etcetera.. But she told me that 
that is why she likes him. He’s not afraid to be his true self. To me, if she
likes him for who he is, she should be able to talk to and date him without
any concerns about what anyone else thinks. Hell, if she likes him and does
start dating him, she doesn’t need to tell anyone, not even me. It’s her
business, and she shouldn’t be judged on who she’s into.

Sigh.
I want to be a nice person, I really do. But it’s extremely difficult impossible to keep everyone happy. 

//End rant.

Why can’t the drama go away?